dishing on diners

WEST LAKEVIEW, Chicago, Ill. — It seems to be a pattern, us ending up at diners when we’re tired or stressed or crabby (or all three), and the Golden Apple was no exception. Neither one of us really had the cash to be going out (I think we had approximately $18 between the two of us), but we had just seen Greasy Joan & Co.’s staging of The Misanthrope at The Athenaeum, and what other than a grumpy Moliere character (channeling John Cusack, no less) to get us to throw caution (and, uh, budgets) to the wind? And, besides, it was only a block away, and Vegan Mama’s feet were numb from trying to wear stilettos against her better judgment, with her foot surgery coming up and all.

VEGAN MAMA SAYS…
I am an expert on at least three things: (a) running in stilettos, (b) DIY hair dyeing in funky colors, and (c) veggie burgers. It’s damn hard to find a good veggie burger, but I’ve done my best to do so in my limited travels. Some were not so great, but I took one (or, several) for the team (who, exactly, IS “the team”?): a weird green-colored one (made of broccoli?) in Charleston, S.C.; the soggy mess of a mushroom-y concoction in my home town of New Braunfels, Texas; and something resembling a smelly hockey puck at the airport in Newark, N.J. But there have also been notable exceptions: the “Big Fat Vegan Burger” at Leona’s; Chicago Diner’s BBQ “Bacon” Cheeseburger; and — one of THE best — a spicy burger made of rice and organic veggies served with brown mustard at NYC’s Sugar Cafe, which offers a truly wonderful experience: open air seating right at the corner of Houston and Allen. But, uh, I digress. This is about CHICAGO, not New York City.

So, then… the veggie burger at the Golden Apple. I was hooked from the moment I read the description on the menu: “potato pancake stuffed with veggies, topped with roasted red peppers on a multi-grain bun.” Oh. My. God. I was shivering with anticipation as we waited for our meals — I seem to recall eating a salad of some sort, but I was so excited about the veggie burger it’s kind of a blur — and I was transported to Heaven (or some gastronomic version thereof) when the food arrived.

First of all, the fries. They were the fat crinkly kind, the kind that I loved as a kid and, therefore, are the best ones. And they came with this yummy dipping sauce that I also spread on my burger which was… FABULOUS. I think I could eat that veggie burger twice a week for a year and I wouldn’t get tired of it, which is saying a lot. And it made me not miss the Sugar Cafe all that much… if I can get THIS veggie burger in Chicago, who wants to travel to NYC just so I can sit on the LES late at night eating spicy veggie goodness? (OK, I would, but this will do quite nicely for now…)

I’ve also got to give a shout-out to our server, Mary, who was exactly what a diner waitress should be: friendly, genuine, complimentary (she liked my hair!), prompt, attentive, and just a slight bit disapproving of the lack of business. (Everyone! Go to the Golden Apple! It rocks!) I’m absolutely certain I’ll be back at this diner — I consider it at the top of all the “Golden” diners in the city (Golden Angel being at the bottom… and, sadly, we’ll be going there soon out of principle if not desire).

SAX MAN SAYS…
I realize now that my story about Phat Planet was superfluous to the review of the Pick Me Up Café. In light of that, I won’t talk about how when 7th Kind plays at Elbo Room, we always eat at the Golden Apple between sound check and performance time. I also won’t tell the story about how our old drummer, Grant, made the mistake of ordering the Bahama Mama Pancake one time. We never let him live down ordering this concoction of pancake and sugary fruit.

Vegan Mama and I committed to offering a comprehensive look at the diners of Chicagoland. Of course, that means visiting all of the “Golden” diners. We’ve already brought you a review of the Golden Nugget on Lawrence Avenue. There is a definite hierarchy of quality among these restaurants. In my opinion, The Golden Apple is superior to the Golden Nugget. That may be since Vegan Mama and I have eaten at the Nugget way too often lately. Or, it may just be better food, service, and atmosphere.

This trip to The Golden Apple came after we saw an excellent production of The Misanthrope at Athenaeum Theatre across the street. It was also marked by the fact that both Vegan Mama and I were tired and cranky. Despite that, we rallied and had great conversation as is usual for us.

I’ve always been of the opinion that there is only one kind of clam chowder worth eating – New England style. In fact, I’d say that I was a bit of a chowder snob with no real reason for it. I say that because if I’ve ever had Manhattan clam chowder before now, I don’t remember when. We were informed by our very friendly and helpful waitress, Mary, that they alternate between the two kinds of chowder each week. And this was a Manhattan week. So, if I wanted some soup that wasn’t cream of something-or-other, that’s what I was getting. You know, it was really good! There is a phrase for my attitude: contempt prior to investigation. I’ll gladly admit to that - at least when it’s about soup.

My grilled cheese was perfectly acceptable until I had a bite of Vegan Mama’s Veggie Burger. But that’s her story to tell.

Still to come – the “Golden” diner that is at the bottom of the totem pole, quality-wise: The Golden Angel.

The Golden Apple (773.528.1413) is located at 2971 N. Lincoln. Best bet via the CTA is to take the #11 Lincoln Bus to Wellington or (for those less challenged by, uh, walking) the #77 Belmont bus to Lincoln Avenue (walk two-and-a-half blocks south to the Apple). And say “Hi!” to Mary for us!

WRIGLEYVILLE, Chicago, Ill. – It was late on a Wednesday night and we were fresh from attending Thomas Dunning’s Hoot Night at Schubas (Streisand vs. Violence; does it get much more bizarre?) and even though Vegan Mama was exhausted, she still sucked it up to head over to the Pick Me Up Café.

VEGAN MAMA SAYS…
On a daily basis, I crave New York City as though it were a long-lost lover killed tragically in an unjust war, but I’m stuck in Chicago for the duration (or, at least until my kids graduate from high school). In the mean time, there are four things Chicago has that New York doesn’t even come close on: Lake Shore Drive, Lincoln Square, the cost of living, and the Pick Me Up Café. Of these, it is the Pick Me Up Café that almost even makes me say Chicago could kick New York’s ass any day of the week. You see, try as I might — and, believe me, I have tried — I haven’t been able to find a single diner or café in the Big Apple that offers organic coffee and vegan tofu scrams and vegan French toast ALL NIGHT LONG. [And that doesn't even get into the PMUC's vegan pizzadillas, vegan chocolate peanut butter rice krispie treats, or vegan milkshakes...] But I digress.

Traditionally, I’m not a big fan of French toast (or pancakes, for that matter). I have unusual (some might say strange) preferences for food, such as not having any of it touch, eating in order from “things liked least” to “things liked most,” switching between foods liked equally so they are finished at approximately the same time, and alternating which side of my mouth I chew on (always beginning and ending on the left). And my pecularities extend to the textures of foods as well, and since pancakes and French toast get quickly and easily soggy (because of all the syrup), I’ve never really liked them. But then, one day, a few weeks ago, I was at PMUC with Rebel (my younger son) and he ordered the vegan French toast but the order was HUGE because they (silly PMUC!) have no children’s menu and so there was plenty left over. And I’d ordered my normal dish — vegan tofu scram with an onion bagel — but (as is frequently the case) I had room for more food and decided to try the French toast.

If I said that the heavens opened up and angels began to sing accompanied by harp music when I had my first bite of the PMUC French toast, it would not be an exaggeration. It made me completely rethink my position on French toast, caused me to automatically revise every future order at the PMUC from “vegan tofu scram” to “vegan French toast,” and — of this I am less proud — steal the rest of my son’s French toast.

In any case, this visit to the PMUC was about the same, except that I was exhausted from only having about three hours of sleep the night before and wasn’t exactly the best dinner companion, though the yummy organic coffee (with soy creamer for no extra charge) did put a slight dent in my narcoleptic tendencies. And, also, the service was good, the atmosphere was the aural and visual equivalent of being in a subdued carnival setting, and Sax Man and I had a chance to stare sleepily at each other while wondering aloud if either one of us would ever (a) win the lottery, (b) finally get our 15 minutes of fame, (c) figure out the secrets to alleviating existential anxiety, or (d) get more than four hours of sleep in any given night before we die.

SAX MAN SAYS…
Well, I hadn’t been to the Pick Me Up Café in about ten years. When I mentioned this to Vegan Mama, she was as shocked as I’ve ever seen her. I realize there is no excuse for this. I mean, it’s not as though the PMUC is in a hard-to-reach or out of the way neighborhood. It’s right in the middle of Wrigleyville! Actually, that’s one of the things I like about it. It’s one of the few actually hip places to go in an area of Chicago that is largely un-hip. Considering how great Pick Me Up Café is, it’s hard to believe that just about two blocks away is the Cubby Bear – a place on my “Most Hated Spots in Chicago” list. I had lived in Chicago for maybe two weeks when I went to the Cubby Bear to see The Iguanas back in 1995, and I sensed within minutes of arriving that it was not a place I’d be frequenting. I did have to play a show there in 1999 with the band Phat Planet – a band that peaked about one week after my joining them by appearing on the Jenny Jones Show — and it was downhill from there, including the show at Cubby Bear. We did play at Thurston’s, though. Remember Thurston’s? I loved that place. Phat Planet - terrible name for a band, really.

Anyway. The Pick Me Up Café is fantastic! I love the atmosphere and the attitude. It has all the things I look for in a late night coffee place/diner with a character all its own.

I ordered the Huevos Rancheros, which were very tasty. Nice, fluffy eggs with different kinds of peppers served with tortillas and spuds. The only problem: I grew up in New Mexico, where we know what Huevos Rancheros are supposed to look and taste like. While definitely delicious, the plate of Huevos at PMUC was more like an omelet. Also, the tortillas were dry. Not cool.

I did have a couple bites of Vegan Mama’s French Toast, which was, to be precise, Bitchen! I think that’s what I’ll get next time. I guarantee it won’t be another ten years before I return to The Pick Me Up Café!

The Pick Me Up Café (773.248.6613) is located at 3408 N. Clark Street. Take the Red or Brown Line “L” to Belmont, then walk two blocks up Sheffield to Roscoe. Enter on Sheffield or Clark, and grab a window booth along Clark for the best people watching. Expect to wait a while Saturday or Sunday mornings.

RAVENSWOOD, Chicago, Ill. — It’s difficult to write a blog about experiences in diners in Chicagoland without including The Golden Nugget, since — at best estimate — 78% of people under 30 have entered one of its umpteen (eight?) locations after midnight while drunk or almost drunk, and/or because they are low on funds. The Nugget is the north/northwest side of Chicago’s answer to Denny’s, since you’ve got to go out almost to O’Hare to find one of THOSE, and who really ventures there (unless you work or live there, the latter of which you might as well be honest with yourself and admit that you’re not really a Chicago resident and have more in common with those folks in Norridge, Harwood Heights, Morton Grove, or River Grove). But ANYHOW…it was a balmy Friday at noontime when Vegan Mama decided to skip class (still suffering from the ravages of a full-blown flu) and convinced Sax Man to meet her at The Golden Nugget for what they promised was the last. time. ever. they would go to said diner. As Sax Man said, “I do believe we have, quite literally, had enough of the Nugget.” Indeed.

VEGAN MAMA SAYS…
All I wanted when I suggested going to the Nugget was to get a quick meal and lots o’coffee, since it’s been a rough week, trying to stay caught up on work and grade papers and not sleep 19 hours a day even though I felt as though I’d been run over by a Mack truck. In other words, I had the flu but my “real life” didn’t stop (funny how that works) and it pretty much sucked. Of course, Slavegirl (my best friend) and Sax Man brought me food, comfort, Pellegrino, and toilet paper (ah, the necessities of life…) but by the time I ventured outside the house today to teach my Friday morning class, I was itching for some eatin’ out. And eat out we did… it was difficult to figure out what I *wanted* to eat, since my initial instinct was to order (I kid you not) potato pancakes, French fries, a Belgian waffle, and coffee. I don’t know why I was craving so many carbs, other than I’ve been subsisting on Pellegrino, chocolate, and kettle corn for the past 96 hours, but I successfully (half-way) resisted said carb overload and ordered Greek toast + potato pancakes + coffee.

Greek toast: A+, as usual. For those who don’t KNOW what Greek toast is, it’s thick toast with a sesame seed crust, and it’s the yummiest thing in the entire world of diner food (except, perhaps, for those muffin thingies at the Rainbow Restaurant). And this sample was particularly awesome, with just the right amount of toasting and flakiness (can toast BE flaky?). The coffee was hot and plentiful, though we did have to wait at times for a refill (which shouldn’t come as a surprise since the service was, uh, slow from the beginning). But the potato pancakes… well, I’d give them a C+ because they really disappointed me. Perhaps I’ve been spoiled by too many visits to the Walker Bros. Pancake House (which is soon to come on our Dinerd Agenda), but I like my potato pancakes thin and crispy, with the same thickness throughout. I’m not sure, since I’ve never MADE a potato pancake, but it seems like a tad bit of laziness to not ensure a uniform thickness and instead allow a big poof (yes, that’s a technical term) in the middle that ends up all soggy on the inside. These potato pancakes made me very, very sad. And somehow they also made me long for the vegan French toast at the Pick Me Up Cafe, so I believe it’s high time we left the average drunk-person diners alone and headed for the high-class hills of hipster cafe-dom.

SAX MAN SAYS…
It’s true, for blogging purposes, we had to get the Golden Nugget out of the way. I think we’ve gone here six times in the last month. I mean, it is convenient, reliable, and not too expensive, but those aren’t good enough reasons to keep eating there. Maybe it’s due to the frequency that we’ve been there lately, but I was a bit disappointed with the Nugget this time.

What is it about waiters and waitresses who don’t check on you when it’s time to order? When our waitress came by the first time, we weren’t ready to order. Then enough time passed before she came back that we could have gone somewhere else, had a sandwich, and then returned before she took our order. Okay, that may be an exaggeration, but, like my cohort, I am given to hyperbole.

When we finally ordered, I had a spinach/feta omelette with hash browns and wheat toast. The omelet was excellent (I will never, ever say “eggscellent” in this blog), but the hash browns were soggy. Vegan Mama and I had a discussion about whether or not toast can accommodate both jam and butter. As in so many other things, we agreed that it can. However, one complaint about The Golden Nugget – no orange marmalade! The percentage of the population who likes orange marmalade is probably pretty low; maybe 15%. I have a feeling that it is similar to the number of people who like black licorice. I happen to be among those who love both. At any rate, no marmalade and weak coffee made this a less than satisfactory diner experience.

Thanks, though, to Vegan Mama, who introduced me to the joys of random percentages!

This Golden Nugget (773.769.6700) is located at 4747 N. Ravenswood Avenue. Take the #81 Lawrence bus to Ravenswood or, if you’re feeling superior, the Union Pacific North Metra train to the Ravenswood stop. Either way, it’s off of Lawrence at Ravenswood and just west of Hermitage, and if you’re one of those driving folks, limited free parking is available in a lot just to the east of the diner.

ELMHURST, Ill. – Lest you be nervous that we’ve migrated to the suburbs, the Rainbow Restaurant was more of a last-minute whimsical choice than a planned event, since Vegan Mama had to pick up her kiddo in the ‘burbs but hadn’t yet eaten, so she dragged Sax Man along for the ride. Whee!

VEGAN MAMA SAYS…
I’ve been eating at the Rainbow since I was old enough to mash peas into my hair. We’d go there after church on Sundays, and I’d eat chocolate chip pancakes and would get a Dum-Dum sucker before leaving. It’s been a long time since I’ve gone to church or eaten pancakes, but I’ll never get tired of the Rainbow, if for no other reason than the muffins included in the bread baskets taste suspiciously like unfrosted vanilla cupcakes, which is an excellent way to feel as though I’m eating dessert before I’ve even ordered my meal.

Over the years, I’ve eaten most everything on the menu, but now that I’m vegan(ish), the options are a tad bit limited: salads or oatmeal or (my personal favorite) potato pancakes. But that’s cool; there’s a soft spot in my heart for potato pancakes, and the Rainbow’s came out looking crispy and polka-dotted with fresh chives. They also came with a slice of melon, but since I don’t do melon (well, except for watermelon), I gave that to Sax Man. And, as it turned out, the potato pancakes were subject to the fatal flaw of many, many foods: they looked about 82% better than they tasted. The flavor was decent, but they were soggy and left me feeling as though I were eating a smushed baked potato rather than crispy flaky potato pancakes.

So I did what any self-respecting diner patron does when they’ve eaten half their dish but haven’t yet whetted the appetite: I had dessert. And the yumminess of the Oreo cake overshadowed the soggy potato pancake experience.

SAX MAN SAYS…
Well, I’ve eaten at the Rainbow Restaurant in Elmhurst exactly one time. We’d have to go to NM to find diners that I ate at after church with my family. Oh wait, we didn’t go to church together and the diners in NM are all chains like Village Inn and Denny’s, with the occasional IHOP thrown in to mix it up a bit.

Since my dietary restrictions are unrestricted, the choices are limitless for me at diners. Why is it, then, that I generally choose patty melts or reubens? I think I like reubens because they remind me of these two stoner kids that were in my 11th grade English class. They sat in the back of the room and would crack each other up by saying, “Corned Beeeef” in that stoner/valley accent. I wonder what happened to those dudes.

ANYWAY, I can’t very well dish on diners if I always have the same dish. So at the Rainbow I had a salad - mmm, iceberg lettuce with one sad looking tomato. I didn’t eat the tomato. My main dish was a chicken pasta dish that was fine. But I think one of the best parts about eating out is getting things that I could never or would never make at home.

Shoulda had the patty melt.

Next diner we eat at: a review of the “Businessperson’s Luncheon.”

The Rainbow Restaurant (630.833.0556) is located at 233 N. York Road in Elmhurst. From Chicago, take the Eisenhower (I-290) west to exit #13B. Follow North Avenue west for one mile, then turn left on York Road.